As a Cultural Innovator for Divorce, I view divorce first from the cultural and societal points of view before viewing it from the legal, financial, spiritual and mental health points of view.
In my analysis below, I shall focus on the Yorùbá culture but my divorce clients and students are not limited to the Yorùbá ethnicity. In fact, Igbos have formed the bulk of my clients.
I have not come to attack culture but to restore it to the way it was in pre-colonial times as a reminder of what used to be and that even if we accept western education, we must learn not to accept everything from our colonial masters hook, line and sinker and forget about the parts of our culture which make us who we are as Yorùbás, Nigerians and Africans.
I believe that the Yorùbá pre-colonial system of divorce can work side-by-side with the dissolution of marriage via the court system as long as the shaming of divorcees is not involved because the shaming of divorcees is not a Yorùbá culture.
Therefore, culture must come before religion and work hand-in-hand with the law, if divorce is to be reduced in our society.
My position on the adaptation of the Yorùbá culture challenges:
A. Religious distortion
B. Patriarchal amnesia
C. Harmful endurance narratives
Whether you like it or not, this is true cultural preservation!
In traditional Yorùbá culture, divorce was not taboo!!!
What was taboo was irresponsibility, shameful behaviour and failure of the duties of a wife and a husband of a marriage.
Many elders today confuse Christian morality and Islamic laws with indigenous Yorùbá customs. This confusion is common because colonialism and religion rewrote cultural memory.
Below are more insights into old Yorùbá views about divorce that can help shape its current views and help with current solutions before and after introducing the Nigerian divorce laws.
1. Marriage in old Yorùbá society was not permanent or by force.
Traditional Yorùbá marriage was conditional and not absolute.
Marriage continued only if:
A. Respect existed.
B. Duties were fulfilled.
C. Peace could be restored.
If these failed, separation was culturally permitted.
There was no sacred vow such as ‘till death do us part.’
That language is Christian and not Yorùbá.
In old Yorùbá, marriage was seen as a movement and not as an imprisonment.
It was a movement of a woman to her matrimonial home and not into prison because there was room for her to leave whenever she felt disrespected and the cause of the chaos in her marriage could not be resolved by the elders of both families.
2. Abuse was not glorified as endurance.
Endurance (sùúrù) was balanced with dignity (ìwà). Endurance did not mean:
A. Beatings
B. Public humiliation
C. Sexual violence
D. Starvation
E. Emotional cruelty
A husband who beat his wife excessively was seen as:
A. Lacking self-control
B. Dishonouring both families
Such a man could be confronted by elders.
A woman was not owned.
A wife was:
A. A respected member of another lineage
B. Not property
C. Not trapped
Yorùbá women did not even bear their husbands' surnames. They bore their first, second or third names which were given to them according to the circumstances of their birth.
3. A woman returning home was culturally protected.
When a woman returned to her father’s house:
A. She was not disgraced
B. Her family investigated the issue
C. Mediation could happen
D. Divorce could be finalised peacefully
Her return did not erase her worth.
Compare this with today, where:
A. Families reject daughters
B. Colonial religion shames women
C. Abuse is spiritualised
That is not Yorùbá culture.
4. Children belonged to lineages and not only marriages.
In Yorùbá, children were never abandoned. They belonged to the father’s lineage but remained emotionally and socially connected to the mother’s people even after a divorce.
A. The child knew both families.
B. The mother still had access to her children.
This is why:
A. Oríkì includes both lineages
B. Children visit maternal relatives freely
Divorce did not make children ‘fatherless’ or ‘motherless’
What mattered was:
A. Lineage continuity
B. Moral upbringing
C. Communal care
Not romantic family ideals.
5. Why do some elders now say divorce is taboo?
There are three main reasons for this:
A. Colonial religious influence in Christianity which treats marriage as sacred and indissoluble.
B. Islam allows for divorce but heavily regulates and discourages it.
C. Both religions have altered Yorùbá way of thinking.
D. Patriarchal rewriting of history as over time:
a) Male elders benefited from controlling women
b) Endurance became a weapon
c) Women’s exit options were erased from memory. So, divorce became labelled ‘taboo’.
Culturally yours,
DJ Ìràwọ̀
