Divorce Course

 

DJ Ìràwọ̀ Limited is an Arts and Culture organisation and enterprise that provides Cultural Innovation Services for solving social problems in the fields of Music, Career, Yorùbá, Divorce and Mental Health.

As a Cultural Innovator for Divorce, I view divorce first from the cultural and societal points of view before viewing it from the legal, financial, spiritual and mental health points of view. 

In my analysis below, I shall focus on the Yorùbá culture but my divorce clients and students are not limited to the Yorùbá ethnicity. In fact, Igbos have formed the bulk of my clients. 

I have not come to attack culture but to restore it to the way it was in pre-colonial times as a reminder of what used to be and that even if we accept western education, we must learn not to accept everything from our colonial masters hook, line and sinker and forget about the parts of our culture which make us who we are as Yorùbás, Nigerians and Africans. 

I believe that the Yorùbá pre-colonial system of divorce can work side-by-side with the dissolution of marriage via the court system as long as the shaming of divorcees is not involved because the shaming of divorcees is not a Yorùbá culture. 

Therefore, culture must come before religion and work hand-in-hand with the law, if divorce is to be reduced in our society.

My position on the adaptation of the Yorùbá culture challenges:

A. Religious distortion

B. Patriarchal amnesia

C. Harmful endurance narratives

Whether you like it or not, this is true cultural preservation!

In traditional Yorùbá culture, divorce was not taboo!!!

What was taboo was irresponsibility, shameful behaviour and failure of the duties of a wife and a husband of a marriage.

Many elders today confuse Christian morality and Islamic laws with indigenous Yorùbá customs. This confusion is common because colonialism and religion rewrote cultural memory.

Below are more insights into old Yorùbá views about divorce that can help shape its current views and help with current solutions before and after introducing the Nigerian divorce laws.

1. Marriage in old Yorùbá society was not permanent or by force. 

Traditional Yorùbá marriage was conditional and not absolute.

Marriage continued only if:

A. Respect existed.

B. Duties were fulfilled.

C. Peace could be restored.

If these failed, separation was culturally permitted.

There was no sacred vow such as ‘till death do us part.’

That language is Christian and not Yorùbá.

In old Yorùbá, marriage was seen as a movement and not as an imprisonment.

It was a movement of a woman to her matrimonial home and not into prison because there was room for her to leave whenever she felt disrespected and the cause of the chaos in her marriage could not be resolved by the elders of both families.

2. Abuse was not glorified as endurance. 

Endurance (sùúrù) was balanced with dignity (ìwà). Endurance did not mean:

A. Beatings

B. Public humiliation

C. Sexual violence

D. Starvation

E. Emotional cruelty

A husband who beat his wife excessively was seen as:

A. Lacking self-control

B. Dishonouring both families

Such a man could be confronted by elders.

A woman was not owned.

A wife was:

A. A respected member of another lineage

B. Not property

C. Not trapped

Yorùbá women did not even bear their husbands' surnames. They bore their first, second or third names which were given to them according to the circumstances of their birth.

3. A woman returning home was culturally protected. 

When a woman returned to her father’s house:

A. She was not disgraced

B. Her family investigated the issue

C. Mediation could happen

D. Divorce could be finalised peacefully

Her return did not erase her worth.

Compare this with today, where:

A. Families reject daughters

B. Colonial religion shames women

C. Abuse is spiritualised

That is not Yorùbá culture.

4. Children belonged to lineages and not only marriages.

In Yorùbá, children were never abandoned. They belonged to the father’s lineage but remained emotionally and socially connected to the mother’s people even after a divorce.

A. The child knew both families.

B. The mother still had access to her children.

This is why:

A. Oríkì includes both lineages

B. Children visit maternal relatives freely

Divorce did not make children ‘fatherless’ or ‘motherless’

What mattered was:

A. Lineage continuity

B. Moral upbringing

C. Communal care

Not romantic family ideals.

5. Why do some elders now say divorce is taboo?

There are three main reasons for this:

A. Colonial religious influence in Christianity which treats marriage as sacred and indissoluble.

B. Islam allows for divorce but heavily regulates and discourages it.

C. Both religions have altered Yorùbá way of thinking.

D. Patriarchal rewriting of history as over time:

a) Male elders benefited from controlling women

b) Endurance became a weapon

c) Women’s exit options were erased from memory. So, divorce became labelled ‘taboo’.

Here is a brief background about my divorce coaching journey:

I am Nigeria’s first publicly recognised Divorce Coach, having launched my coaching services in January 2019 on Facebook as Divorce Savvy. Later, it became Divorce Mentality after facing societal backlash and harassment from those who viewed my work as promoting divorce. I was referring to the mentality of society towards divorce and their ignorance for not understanding my work.

Now, I call my Divorce Coaching service Iwájú with DJ Ìràwọ̀ along with my Cultural Innovation services in Music, Career, Divorce and Mental Health at Iwájú with DJ Ìràwọ̀.

I remain committed to helping individuals find clarity and healing after toxic relationships by offering divorce coaching and educational resources. 

In 2021, I authored the groundbreaking eBook, Freedom from Toxic City: How to Get a Separation and Divorce in Nigeria, offering guidance for those seeking a safe and informed way out of destructive unions. She intends to edit, publish and relaunch the book in hard copy in 2026.

I offer Divorce Courses in six ways. They are:

1.        Pre-Marriage Class

2.        Marriage Class

3.        Separation Class

4.        Reconciliation Class

5.        Pre-Divorce Class

6.        Divorce Class

7.        Post-Divorce Class

I shall explain each of them briefly as follows:

1.      Pre-Marriage Class

A. This helps individuals and couples prepare for marriage by building a strong foundation.

B.  This they must do by addressing communication, comprehension, legal, auditing, financial planning, health challenges, cultural, physical, hygiene, religious and mental differences and unrealistic expectations. 

C.   It equips partners with the skills to navigate challenges and create a harmonious union.

2.      Marriage Class

A. This is for individuals or couples who want guidance and reconciliation in their marriage to prevent a separation and divorce. 

B.  It is better to report your marital issues to a neutral person like me, who has gone through a separation and divorce, is irreligious, non-feminist, humanist and is oblivious of societal opinions, to warn you about the problems that you may encounter during a separation and divorce if you refuse to work on your marriage.  

C.  If a separation is the best decision for you, I will guide you on how to go about it amicably in the best interest of the couple.

 

3.      Separation Class

A. If a separation is the best decision for you, I will guide you on how to go about it, for how long and help you decide if you should go back to reconciling with your spouse.

 

B.  If you have made up your mind to move on with your life, I am here to guide you to achieve that by helping you get a divorce.

 3.      Reconciliation Class

Peradventure you want to give your marriage one more chance, this is the course for you. 

 

4.      Pre-Divorce Class

A. If divorce is your choice, then I will proceed to guide you on how to achieve it.

B.  This class provides clarity and guidance on emotional, financial, spiritual, legal and physical aspects of a divorce.

C.  It helps clients make informed decisions while preparing for a smooth transition to minimise stress and uncertainty.

 

5.      Divorce Class

A. This service supports individuals during and after the divorce process by helping them manage emotions, take legal, financial, emotional, physical and spiritual decisions and make practical life adjustments.

B.  It focuses on reducing conflicts, making strategic choices and fostering resilience during this life-changing period.

C.    It helps clients rebuild confidence, establish new goals and navigate co-parenting or single life successfully. 

 

6.      Post-Divorce Course

A. This is designed for divorcees who intend to start dating and courting again and maybe remarry.

 

B.  It empowers individuals to embrace new beginnings with strength and clarity. 

 One-on-one Coaching for any class is available at a fee. 

WhatsApp for more information.

Review Course afterwards.